So I ended last time with my step-father passing away and my step-brother leaving and me thinking my life was going to improve. Well WRONG!!!
My mother, sister and I moved into an apartment on our own. My mother really never did much around the house it was left to me to run the household and take care of my sister. She was always out with her single friends and at bars. That is when I started spiraling down even farther. I found the alcohol in the closet and would drink it when she was not around and replace it with water. She never had a clue I was drinking. That is also the time I started smoking behind her back. She was never home so she never knew. I was in the 7th/8th grade. I look back now and go wow why would I do something like that but my life was hell and that was my escape. During this time was when my mother started verbally abusing me and even at times hitting me. As if my life was not messed up enough she added to it.
Because of my history of sexual abuse, I thought that in my warped mind that the only way I could find love was if I slept with guys, so my promiscuity started. I am embarrassed to say that but it is the truth. So I struggled with life and all its ups and downs all the way through high school.
When I was a junior I met my current husband. He was just a sophomore. In a way I believe that God sent him into my life in order to save me because by the time I met him I was extremely suicidal. I eventually revealed all my baggage to him and he still loved me know matter what my past was. I was still warped in the mind but I had found someone who loved me for me and not for what I could do for him.
My senior year in high school I got pregnant. I expected him to leave me but he stuck right by me. We were not allowed to get married at the time because he was still in high school and we both needed to grow up a lot. So we raised our daughter while living apart. It was difficult.
When our daughter was a year and half we decided to get married. That was really tough. We both were going to school, working full time and trying to raise her. The first 5 years of our marriage was horrendous. We fought constantly. I honestly do not know how we made it.
At that time we were living in Amarillo and my husband was working as a police officer. His best friend and his wife lived in Amarillo as well. The invited us one night to a church revival. Mind you I really did not want to go but we went because of their invitation. It was a very interesting revival they had actors their who reenacted some of the stories from the Bible. At the end of the night the pastor asked us all to get on our knees and face the pew and pray. I reluctantly did as we were asked. As I sat there on my knees I felt a peace and calm as I have never felt before and it was like someone had their hand on my shoulder. It was the most moving experience and confusing experience of my life. I did not mention this to anyone at the time and we immediately the next day left for Midland to see my husband's family. Over the weekend I kept feeling this tugging inside as if someone was trying to get my attention, so I decided when I got back I would make and appointment and see my husband's best friend who just happened to be an intern youth pastor at the church we attended.
When I met with him and told him what I was feeling, he said he felt that it was God trying to get my attention. We visited for a while and then I really felt like I was to take the step to accept Christ as my Savior. This dear friend led me to the Lord on that day. Then my husband rededicated his life and we were baptized together the next week by our best friend.
From this point forward my life and my husband's life changed dramatically. Our marriage made a dramatic turn for the better and we have now been married almost 19 years. I can say now that I know I am loved by God and he has been with me the entire time, through the good and the bad. I still struggle some with my past but I know and believe that my sins are forgiven. I know that I am not to blame for my past and that I did nothing wrong. I also forgive those who hurt me.
So there is my story.
